we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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