my shit smells like andre
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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