Will you blow on my dice?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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