I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how does that bad decision feel?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
