i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
