I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
