we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
