In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
