i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
