Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
