i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
