I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
