Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
