i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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