he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
