im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
