Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
