That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
