so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
