I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
