You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
