how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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