Sponge bath it is.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
