I want to make a zoo with you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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