I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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