Pants 0. Shit 1.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
