and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
