giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
