Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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