made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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