Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
