I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
