my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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