you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
