now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
