You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
