he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's get the cat blown out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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