Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
