she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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