You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drake has all the answers
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
