4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
