no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
