Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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