do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
