so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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