Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
