I love black thongs
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
