I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
