I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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