I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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